The Irishman, a former F1 team owner, was a pre- and post-race analyst on the BBC’s Formula One programme in 2009, and it was confirmed some months ago that he would be reprising the role in 2010. However, Schumacher feels that Jordan risks tarnishing his reputation by returning to British television screens this year.

He's back: BBC F1 pundit Eddie Jordan

“For me, it is madness,” Schumacher said when questioned on the subject in Bahrain today. “Eddie has already had a fantastic year for the BBC, and really it’s difficult to see how he could do any more. I mean, how many opinions can one man have?

“There’s only a finite number of things Eddie can possibly say before he starts contradicting himself,” the German continued. “And that’s the last thing people want to see – a formerly excellent pundit, now past his best, trundling around in the paddock trying to keep up with the likes of David Coulthard and Jake Humphrey, who are not only much younger but still have plenty left to say for themselves. I really fear that Eddie will simply run out of steam this year.”

However, many of Jordan’s fellow pundits are welcoming the opportunity to work with the Irishman again: “Working with Eddie is always a real challenge,” BBC colleague Coulthard remarked. “But to actually win in a televised argument against him, well, that’s definitely something special – much more valuable than winning an argument with anybody else.

“However,” the Scot continued, “I’m looking forward to beating Eddie in more and more on-screen debates this coming season. This will be my year – I can feel it.”

Most teams send their equipment to Bahrain by air, but Branson’s desire to increase Virgin’s “green credentials” meant that he launched an ambitious plan to transport the team’s cars, motorhomes and spare parts to the season’s first Grand Prix overland, including hiring camels to transfer the freight across Saudi Arabia.

Alternative: Virgin's transport to the Bahrain GP

“Camel is one of the most economical and environmentally friendly forms of transport in the desert,” Branson explained. “We therefore decided it would be a good idea to use these ‘green’ alternatives, given the massive environmental cost of flying all this equipment out to Bahrain.

“Unfortunately it would appear that the Saudis were quite taken with the idea of a camel train of virgins making their way across the country, and have seized our property in order to investigate. We’re hoping that once this misunderstanding is cleared up, we can be on our way and get the cars to Bahrain in time for scrutineering.

“I bet that HRT wouldn’t have attracted nearly this much attention,” Branson added.

The problems caused by this alternative method of transport have led to speculation that Virgin may also be forced to cancel their plans to travel to the Canadian Grand Prix by dog sled.

The extra loop on the circuit has met with a mixed reaction in the motorsport press, with some critics panning it for being too slow and adding little in the way of character to the track. Today, circuit bosses responded to this criticism for the first time: “Our track is already a very flat, unmemorable design in the middle of a vast and featureless desert,” a Sakhir spokesman said. “How much more character do you need?

Altered: Bahrain's Sakhir circuit

“In addition, we have to confess that there were some ulterior motives to our plan. We feel that Michael Schumacher could pose a problem here – at his age, it is only natural that he might want to pull over during qualifying and rest for a little bit.

“He is already familiar with the old layout of the track, which we believe means that he will know where all the best parking spots are. With this added extra section, we aim to make it more difficult for Michael to park up, which will ensure that the qualifying session – particularly the pole position shootout, by which time poor Michael will probably be exhausted, after all – will run smoothly.”

However, other circuit owners have slammed the plans: “It’s ludicrous,” said Damon Hill, president of Silverstone’s BRDC. “They’ve spent millions of dollars on adding a superfluous and unnecessary extension to the track that will contribute absolutely nothing to the racing. What a bunch of idiots.”

Lewis and Anthony mutually reached the decision to no longer be father and son after each decided to focus on furthering their own careers; Anthony’s burgeoning driver management business means that he may no longer be fully committed to providing paternal guidance to the McLaren driver.

Split: Former father-son pairing Lewis and Anthony Hamilton

“It was a tough decision, but one that we had to make,” Lewis said. “It’s got to the point now where Anthony needs to start looking after his own business interests, and I need to focus on winning another world championship without worrying about the strange man wandering the paddock looking miserable.

“I’d like to thank Anthony for all the work he has done in bringing me up,” Lewis added. “I’d also like to thank the team for allowing me to make this decision.”

McLaren have announced their intention to fill the “paternity” role for Lewis for as long as he needs, though the driver is known to be actively seeking a new father.

Meanwhile Anthony is busy making preparations for his forays into the world of young driver management: “I’ve been practicing my icy stares in the mirror,” he enthusiastically revealed. “I’ve pretty much got it sorted. Then there’s the small issue of understanding contracts and getting good deals for my clients, but I’m sure I’ll pick that up as I go along.”

The “divorce” of the Hamiltons is not quite unprecedented in Formula One; however, rumours in the early 2000s that Michael Schumacher was planning to resign as the brother of Ralf were never confirmed.

The Mercedes SLS AMG, which can accelerate from 0-60 mph in 3.8 seconds and reach a top speed of around 200 mph, is believed by the Campos team to be significantly quicker than their own F1 car, which Kolles claims is a serious safety issue.

Quick: F1's new safety car

“The Safety Car is supposed to neutralise the race by slowing the entire field down,” Kolles said in a statement to the press earlier today. “But this car is so quick and so powerful, it seems as though it will probably not slow us down at all. In fact, it’ll be a major struggle for us not to be lapped by it. This has obvious safety implications for the marshals working at the track.”

The Campos F1 car is being built by Dallara, who have prodigous experience in chassis construction, but delays in funding the project mean it is unlikely even to be shaken down before the season-opening Bahrain Grand Prix. Observers are predicting a difficult first few races for the team, though this is the first acknowledgement from them that they are likely to be dangerously slow.

“This is pathetic,” one fan blustered. “Turning up at the first race with a car that’s so far off the pace it’ll be slower than the Safety Car? The FIA should have picked better teams from the ones that applied! This would never have happened with Lola. Right?”

Regular Safety Car driver Bernd Maylander refused to be drawn on suggestions that he might have to swap to last year’s McLaren car in order to keep the field running at a safe pace during caution periods.