Renault expected to be fighting for a top-three place in this year’s Constructors’ world championship, but instead disappointed in Bahrain two weeks ago, with Robert Kubica finishing just outside the points and Russian rookie Vitaly Petrov retiring. Now the French manufacturer has accused departed driver Fernando Alonso of taking team property with him when he left for Maranello in the winter.

Thief? Ferrari driver Fernando Alonso

“We think the extent of the theft is about six-tenths of a second,” Renault team principal Eric Boullier said in Australia. “With the field so tight, any amount of lap time is going to be beneficial to us, so we’re working hard with the FIA to try and get our property back.”

It is not clear whether the rules governing intellectual property in Formula One cover lap time as well as concrete things like technical drawings; however Boullier insists that such a question is moot: “It’s outside the spirit of the rules, and that’s what matters.”

“Rubbish,” retorted Ferrari team principal Stefano Domenicali. “There’s no such thing as ‘the spirit of the rules.’ Unless you’re talking about diffusers or rear wings or something, of course.”

Renault found itself on the receiving end of an espionage scandal in 2007, when McLaren accused them of possessing several floppy disks’ worth of technical information from the Woking team. This went unpunished, despite McLaren having previously been fined $100m and excluded from the constructors’ championship for having an on-demand flow of stolen Ferrari intellectual property courtesy of a mole within the team, which was obviously exactly the same offence.

Games: F1 boss Ecclestone

Often the driver merry-go-round during the close season is figuratively referred to as “musical chairs” because there are inevitably more drivers than remaining F1 seats, but Ecclestone’s idea is to take that suggestion literally, settling who will drive where in 2010 through a version of the popular children’s party game.

With this morning’s announcement that Pedro de la Rosa will drive for Sauber, now just five race seats remain – one each at Renault, Toro Rosso and Campos, and both at USF1. “Now everyone’s pretty bored of waiting for the teams to confirm their drivers,” Ecclestone reasoned, “so it makes sense to just get the whole thing out of the way in one go.”

Drivers such as Kazuki Nakajima, Jaime Alguersuari, Giancarlo Fisichella and Nick Heidfeld are all currently without 2010 seats; they will be joined by potential newcomers like F2 champion Andy Soucek and former GP2 drivers Vitaly Petrov and Jose Maria Lopez to be in with a chance of winning the drives.

“What will happen is that we’ll put all of them in a room, turn on the music and get them to walk around the five chairs in the centre of the floor,” Ecclestone revealed. “When the music stops, they all sit down and the five seated drivers get the race seats. Simple, really. I might even put in on TV. And charge for it.”

It is believed that a similar scheme was tried at Mercedes earlier this year, but it failed when Michael Schumacher deliberately pushed Heidfeld over and stole his chair.

When asked what song would be used for the game, Ecclestone replied: “The Chain. Obviously.”

For sale: One F1 team (double world champion driver not included)

Rival bids, from Luxembourg’s Gravity consortium and British team Prodrive, have been considered by the team, with Russian telecommunications giant MegaFon also rumoured to be interested in purchasing the outfit, which is expected to be sold after Renault CEO Carlos Ghosn suddenly realised that F1 wasn’t very environmentally friendly.

However, the team’s top brass in Paris and the F1 team’s management in Enstone are said to disagree over who should be allowed to complete the purchase, with Gravity favoured by the French and Prodrive by the British-based team members. Instead, senior management have resolved that the whole concern should be put up for sale on eBay, allowing rivals to publicly bid for ownership.

“This way, we get the best possible price and ensure that the best people are bound to take control,” a Renault spokesman said. “Or at least, the people willing to pay the most for it. But that’s the same thing as ‘best,’ isn’t it?”

Meanwhile, Prodrive boss Dave Richards spoke for the first time on his intention to get back into Formula One, having been outside the sport since he was sacked by BAR in 2004. “It is my intention to bring Prodrive into F1 without having to do any work whatsoever,” he pointed out. “Instead of the usual approach, of building a car in your factory and racing it, we’re going to buy a factory, complete with an F1 car already in it, and race that instead. It’s the future of F1, I tell you.”

The eBay auction is scheduled to go live some time this weekend, though a reserve price for the team has not yet been specified.

Crashed: Grosjean's data was used in Renault's CFD simulator

Computational fluid dynamics, or CFD, has proven increasingly useful in racing car development, with many Formula One teams now using the system in conjunction with their wind tunnel programmes. Renault’s latest software, however, attempted to simulate how their new car would respond to different driving styles.

“Unfortunately the simulator is still in its early stages, and that means that only a couple of driving styles have been included in the program,” Renault team principal Bob Bell told reporters. “For contractual reasons we’re not allowed to use Fernando Alonso’s data to develop our new car, so we had to use Romain Grosjean’s instead.

“Sadly that meant that the simulated car crashed before we could get any useful information out of it. We were hoping that the programmers would be able to stay away from absolutely strict accuracy in the interests of keeping the simulation running for more than a few seconds, but it seems that has proven impossible.”

Grosjean is not thought to be in line for a race drive at Renault next year, so simulating his driving style to get the most out of their 2010 car is going to be of limited use anyway. However, Bell was keen to look on the bright side: “We now have unparalleled information on how different bits of racing car fly through the air once they’ve been sheared off the main chassis in a series of impacts.”

Thrown: Injury-inflicting book

Steve Nielsen, team manager for the French outfit, was summoned to see the stewards after the race, following the team’s decision to release Fernando Alonso from his pit stop while one of his wheels was loose. The errant wheel worked its way off Alonso’s car during the following lap, eventually coming to rest against the crash barriers.

“When the stewards throw the book at you, I’d never realised before that it was an actual book,” Nielsen revealed after his meeting with Hungarian GP officials. “It’s a very big and heavy book too, which is quite painful when it hits you. You’d think, after the events of the past week, FIA-appointed representatives would be more careful about throwing heavy objects around.”

The stewards, however, defended their actions, releasing a statement which read: “Renault’s actions at the Hungarian Grand Prix were foolish and dangerous, potentially putting many lives unnecessarily at risk. We fully stand by our response to their rule violations. This is a wheel we’re talking about. It’s not a completely safe and reasonable object to have flying off your car at high speed, like a loose exhaust pipe or something.”

The book in question is said to be one of the many biographies of Lewis Hamilton that appeared on the shelves following his impressive debut season in 2007. “It’s not like we had any other use for it,” the stewards pointed out.

Nielsen is arguing that stewards should use less literal methods of dealing with rule violations. “I suppose it explains why Martin Whitmarsh’s wrist was a bit sore after McLaren were summoned to the Liegate hearing,” he admitted.