The Formula One Teams’ Association have declared that they agree with football fans who wish to see the vuvuzela banned for crowds watching World Cup games in South Africa.

The controversial horn-like devices have attracted complaints from fans, players and officials alike, who see them as an annoyance and a distraction.

“Having watched a few World Cup games on TV, we agree that the vuvuzela should be banned forthwith,” FOTA President Martin Whitmarsh said. “It defies belief that these professional sportspeople are expected to do their jobs in the face of such a massive distraction from the noise generated by these devices.”

The rest of Whitmarsh’s comments were drowned out by the sound of 24 passing V8 engines.

The south coast club, who entered administration last month in a bid to avoid being wound up over mounting debts, face an uncertain future, and Stefanovic has claimed that his team is ready to step in at a moment’s notice, should Portsmouth no longer be able to play.

Ready: New football club boss Zoran Stefanovic

It is believed that Stefanovic is attempting to purchase a stadium and training facilities from Chester City, who were recently expelled from the Conference and wound up following their own financial meltdown, and then enter the Premiership as soon as possible. “We are confident that Premiership glory awaits to cover us in the soonness of time,” Stefan FC said in a statement that looked like it had been written by a combination of Google Translate and Flavio Briatore. “If foolish blue team cannot play football then glorious Serbians will do it for them. It is the only option.”

Stefan FC’s grand scheme, however, is not expected to be sanctioned by the English Football Association, who commented: “We already have a set of procedures for vetting new entrants to the Premiership – it’s called the Football League,” a spokesman said. “If Stefan FC want to play in the Premier League they will have to pass over the same hurdles as everybody else.”

Stefanovic was said to be unconcerned by the FA’s comments, and has vowed to start bringing a coachload of players to a Premier League game every weekend until they allow his team to play.

Uncharacteristic: Kimi Raikkonen in WRC

Raikkonen left Formula One last year to pursue a career in rallying, but so far his approach to the category has been met with scorn from those who have worked in the World Rally Championship for much longer.

“This is absolutely not what we expect from Kimi,” a WRC spokesman said. “After the end of a stage in the rally, Kimi sat in his car and was actually seen smiling by some sharp-eyed fans.

“Kimi came to the WRC on the understanding that his surly nature, indifference to the media and profound laziness would be a breath of fresh air compared to the usual hard work and friendliness of the drivers. However it’s emerged that Kimi is actually just the same as the rest of them. This is simply not on.”

Raikkonen claimed that he left F1 because he was “bored,” having decided that repeatedly crashing in obscure forests around the world was more exciting than repeatedly crashing on purpose-built circuits. Already it has been reported that he feels more at home in the world of rallying, though organisers continue to insist that such behaviour is unacceptable.

“We’re seriously considering giving Kimi 30 hours of PR work to do a week, so that he begins to understand how he is expected to behave,” a Citroen source said. “We have certain expectations and we do not intend to be let down.”

On advice from his team, Raikkonen only responded to the criticism with a bemused grunt, which WRC officials were reported to have said was “much better.”

Recalled: Defective Toyota model, the Prius

Recently the company was forced to recall eight million units due to problems with the throttle being stuck open; now it is reported that their hybrid model, the Prius, is plagued with braking issues.

“We are amazed that the company is having such problems,” former technical director Mike Gascoyne, now working for Lotus, told reporters. “When we were working there, the major problem was that the throttle seemed to work too slowly, and the brakes were if anything too good – the cars were just slow everywhere.”

Though problems within the team, concerning acceleration and braking issues, were largely kept quiet, they did occasionally rise to public attention – such as in the last race of 2008, when Timo Glock completely failed to accelerate around the final corner.

“If anything this is an absolute reversal of the issues we were used to dealing with when we were still employed at Toyota,” Gascoyne, who left the team in 2006. His sentiments were confirmed by numerous other team members, most of whom were made redundant when the team withdrew from F1 at the end of 2009.

Most of the former Toyota team assets have been bought up by n0nexistent Serbian outfit Stefan GP, who hope to use them to give Ralf Schumacher the illusion that he is doing something useful in 2010. Whether the new team will continue “The Toyota Way” of promising much and delivering surprisingly little remains to be seen, though with Schumacher at the wheel, it seems likely.

Rumours: MotoGP star Rossi

The nine-time world champion on two wheels was first linked with an F1 move in 2006, when he tested for Ferrari at Valencia. Since then annual rumours have surfaced about Rossi reevaluating his future in motorcycle racing, with a view to possibly driving on four wheels instead.

“The absurdity and persistence of these rumours are exactly why we love them so much,” one Rossi Day fanatic told reporters. “This year it’s all based around the fact that Valentino will be driving a two-year-old Ferrari at one of the team’s pre-season tests. Quite obviously this is a prelude to an F1 drive, just like it wasn’t the last several times he tried it.”

Rossi has rarely been particularly impressive in his F1 forays, spinning into the gravel on his first attempt at driving an F1 car and later lapping up to a second slower than actual Ferrari drivers. However, this has not stopped particularly adamant fans from proclaiming his switch to F1 as imminent: “Next year, or maybe the year after. For sure!” one fan revealed.

This years’ Rossi Day celebrations are likely to include a formal debate on whether or not Rossi will fall out of his F1 car like Michael Schumacher did when he tried motorcycle racing.