The BBC have revealed their new approach to their coverage of Formula One after the broadcaster failed to win a BAFTA for their programme covering the 2009 Brazilian Grand Prix, borrowing several elements from ITV’s award-winning approach to the sport to secure the support of the British Academy.

Revisions to the BBC’s F1 show, scheduled to fall into place in time for the 2011 season, include devoting 30 minutes of airtime each weekend to examining the contents of Lewis Hamilton’s bathroom cabinet, replacing post-race press conference footage with poorly scripted soap operas, and trading in Jonathan Legard for a tape recording of a befuddled man-child shouting “GET IN THERE!” at uncomfortably frequent intervals.

The commercial director of Formula One, 128, told a London newspaper that the length of his fringe often obscured his vision, and prevented him from seeing reporters or dictaphones in the room to capture his most controversial statements.

Controversial: Bernie Ecclestone

Ecclestone got into trouble last year for voicing his admiration for Adolf Hitler, and has recently been criticised for claiming that Lewis Hamilton’s decision to part company with his father-manager Anthony would be “a monkey off [Hamilton's] back.”

“The thing is that, at my age, often I’ll forget who’s in the room once I’ve started speaking,” Ecclestone said. “And this haircut doesn’t help – it means that I can’t see very clearly; sometimes I forget that there’s someone listening, writing down everything I say, and I let my guard down and say something stupid.”

Previous theories on Ecclestone’s often outlandish remarks had centred on his rumoured constant craving for publicity, but the billionaire refuted these accusations: “If I wanted to attract the attention of the media, I’d do something really crazy, like get caught in a hotel room full of hookers. No, this is just plain and simple senility catching up with me.”

Ecclestone then went on to elaborate on his plans to stage a Grand Prix in Manhattan.

With thanks to Ciaran for the idea, and Norbert for (at least) one of the jokes…

The last time F1 Racing conducted a survey of a wide range of F1 fans, suspicions arose when former editor Matt Bishop was brought in to count some of the votes, with results subsequently indicating that 98% of Formula One fans supported McLaren and nearly eight out of ten people agreed that Ralf Schumacher was “a fat, useless waste of space,” despite this not having been a question in the first place.

Rigged: FOTA members, during happier times

On this occasion, suspicion is that FOTA have been doctoring results to make it look like their recent changes to the sport have met with approval – the recent change to the points system, for example, attracted the support of 103% of fans, according to the survey.

Apparently fans also rated “tyres” as the most interesting thing about Formula One, followed by “espionage scandals” and “perpetually miserable father-managers.” “Overtaking” was rated as only the 17th biggest draw for fans, coming in just behind “speculation over Adrian Sutil’s sexuality.”

“We have to question whether these survey results are accurate,” one F1 fan opined. “It looks as if FOTA have just selected the results that appeal to them and neglected to mention the rest. In fact, there’s even evidence of some blatant fraud going on.”

“Nonsense,” a FOTA spokesperson said. “We have always said that FOTA is an organisation that puts the fans first. Giving them names and faces to cheer on, providing them with entertainment for nineteen weekends a year, and even telling them what to think – what more can they possibly want from us?”

The Irishman, a former F1 team owner, was a pre- and post-race analyst on the BBC’s Formula One programme in 2009, and it was confirmed some months ago that he would be reprising the role in 2010. However, Schumacher feels that Jordan risks tarnishing his reputation by returning to British television screens this year.

He's back: BBC F1 pundit Eddie Jordan

“For me, it is madness,” Schumacher said when questioned on the subject in Bahrain today. “Eddie has already had a fantastic year for the BBC, and really it’s difficult to see how he could do any more. I mean, how many opinions can one man have?

“There’s only a finite number of things Eddie can possibly say before he starts contradicting himself,” the German continued. “And that’s the last thing people want to see – a formerly excellent pundit, now past his best, trundling around in the paddock trying to keep up with the likes of David Coulthard and Jake Humphrey, who are not only much younger but still have plenty left to say for themselves. I really fear that Eddie will simply run out of steam this year.”

However, many of Jordan’s fellow pundits are welcoming the opportunity to work with the Irishman again: “Working with Eddie is always a real challenge,” BBC colleague Coulthard remarked. “But to actually win in a televised argument against him, well, that’s definitely something special – much more valuable than winning an argument with anybody else.

“However,” the Scot continued, “I’m looking forward to beating Eddie in more and more on-screen debates this coming season. This will be my year – I can feel it.”

False: Rumoured Campos driver Nelson Piquet Jr.

Last week a Spanish website ran a story claiming that three-time world champion Nelson Piquet had purchased a stake in the Campos F1 team so that his son would be guaranteed an F1 race seat in 2010. This turned out to be a joke for the traditional Spanish “Day of the Innocents,” similar to April Fools’ Day, but it led F1 journalists to reveal that such occurrences are not uncommon.

Many Formula One reporters privately detest certain so-called “syndication” websites, which do no original journalism but pass off F1 stories as if they are their own work. Making up the occasional false rumour, it has been reported, is an amusing way for real journalists to show up the lack of actual work done by their Internet-based rivals.

“Originally it was all quite pleasant and subtle, with unlikely driver moves or sponsorship issues being raised, when they had no actual basis in reality,” one esteemed journalist said earlier. “But recently we’ve been upping the ante to see what these guys are stupid enough to fall for. Sebastien Loeb driving for Toro Rosso, Anthony Hamilton buying Renault, even Ralf Schumacher making an F1 comeback – as if that would ever happen. So far these have all been reported as fact by various syndication websites….

<ten-minute rant deleted>

“…which is why they should all be rounded up and have their Internet connections forcibly removed,” he concluded.

It has even been reported that there are whole websites dedicated to making up obviously false stories about Formula One, though this is obviously too silly to be true.