Red Bull admit driver favouritism
Milton Keynes, Monday: Red Bull Racing have admitted that they do exhibit a policy of preferential driver treatment, after the collision between drivers Mark Webber and Sebastian Vettel in Sunday’s Turkish Grand Prix sparked discussions over the issue.
Red Bull have long insisted that no driver receives superior treatment from the team; however, this was called into question on Sunday night after their Director of Something-or-Other Helmut Marko appeared to be the only person in the world to think that the collision was Webber’s fault, rather than that of his overexuberant teammate.
Smashing: Red Bull's driver policy in action
Today Red Bull team principal Christian Horner confirmed that previous statements have been false: “Following speculation over whether we practice driver favouritism, we have decided to address those doubts by confirming that we do, in fact, intend to benefit one driver.
“That driver is Jenson Button.”
Though the announcement initially came as a shock, it was later reflected upon as being unsurprising. “We did everything we could to ensure that Jenson, and not Sebastian or Mark, won the world championship in 2009, and we intend to do the same this year,” Horner continued. “This has been done through a range of reliability issues, strategic errors, and when all else fails – as it did yesterday – brazen stupidity and incompetence, on the part of both our drivers and senior team staff.”
Button expressed his relief that the story had finally broken: “I’m glad it’s all out in the open now,” the 2009 world champion, one of the main beneficiaries of yesterday’s incident, claimed. “It’s been very embarrassing, having to hide the blatant bias of the Red Bull team in my favour up until now,” he added.
This latest announcement is believed to be related to the revelation that Red Bull’s preparations for the notoriously demanding Canadian Grand Prix include the use of Melbourne-specification brakes for the Montreal race. “It makes perfect sense,” Horner said.
“That driver is Jenson Button.”
>>>>> LOOOOOOL!
I love your humor. This is gold.
Nice one Andy.
“That driver is Jenson Button.”
Brilliant. I always like to see how far I get through your posts before I find “The crack up line!”
WEll done again.
Hahahahah one of your best ever articles I love it!!
Very, very funny. Congrats.
Been away from the Runoff Area for a little while, good new look and this is a corker – good work Andy!
I just got around to reading this. Great stuff!!!!