Alonso “dismayed” by Danica rumours
Enstone, Tuesday: Double world champion and Renault lead driver Fernando Alonso is reported to be “dismayed” at rumours that the fledgling USF1 team may be interested in testing IndyCar driver Danica Patrick when the team gets off the ground.
Sulky: Danica Patrick admires website author's ability to resist the temptation of including a picture of her in a swimsuit
Patrick, who has a single IRL victory to her name after a win at Motegi last year, is one of the Indy Racing League’s most marketable and valuable drivers despite her modest success. Explanations for this anomalous situation vary, although most hinge on the fact that Patrick has been photographed sprawling across expensive cars in minimal clothing (investigations by researchers for The Runoff Area have discovered that similar attempts to increase Jenson Button’s profile have met with less success).
Formula One has always attempted to increase its profile in the United States, usually without success, so the prospect of a popular American driver making her way to F1 in a US-run team has certainly attracted plenty of attention in the sport’s commercial circles.
Reports from Renault, however, have suggested that former champion Alonso has greeted the news with less enthusiasm, as he is said to be concerned about Patrick impinging on a niche the Spaniard has spent a number of years carving out for himself.
“Fernando is a little worried about what would happen if Danica were to enter F1,” an anonymous Renault source told us today. “The role of whingeing, blubbering prima donna has been exclusively Fernando’s property for some time now. Given Danica’s occasional outbursts over in the States, attacking drivers like Milka Duno and generally being a pain in the arse, Fernando is dismayed that such monumental arrogance might displace his own fairly modest attempts at acting like an objectionable child some of the time.”
Fans of Patrick are also said to be among the more vociferous and unbearable of IRL followers, though a spokesman for the McLaren supporters’ association claimed that they were not worried about the threat: “We’ll out-moan them any day,” he confidently suggested.
Actually the crown for whingeing, blubbering prima donna has fallen into the hands of L(ouise)ewis Hamilton, and deservedly so. The arrogant little twerp has been a cry baby (especially last season ((2009)), when he hadn’t got a good car under him) and has been a constant headache whenever he was broadcast on the team radio during races when Alonso just put his head down and got on with it. He (Lewis) proved himself very capable of being a liar and a cheat (do you really think David Ryan was single-handedly reasponsable for Aussie ‘09. It’s not as if Lewis can’t think for himself!!).
I’ll admit that Lewis IS a good driver (Brazil ‘09) but when the odds are stacked against him and nothing is going his way he falls apart and just whines and whines (Turkey ‘09) and frankly that is not good for the team, especially when it is their Number One driver who should be guiding the team instead of bad-mouthing them.
I know that the article is supposed to be a bit of fun, but honestly Fernando is a proper racer and he deserves better credit then you are giving him, he isn’t double world champion for nothing and especially when those world championships were won when Schumacher was racing. I’m also aware that this post/rant isn’t going to stop you from making fun of Fernando, I just wanted you to remember that he is a force to be reckoned with and shouldn’t be ridiculed like he’s a “has-been” because like Heikki (who is also a decent driver) he has a LOT to prove and Lewis, Vettel, Massa, Webber, Button and Schumacher know better then to discredit his potential to claim another few world championships.
Tristan, all comments are moderated before they’re posted on the site. Despite my otherwise superhuman abilities, I do occasionally need to sleep once in a while so can’t be moderating posts 24 hours a day.
If you take a look around you will find plenty of stories mocking Hamilton (in fact, probably more than there are about Alonso). I’m a great admirer of Fernando myself. The point of this site is to gently poke fun at all things F1, not to express any particular points of view about the sport.
Hey Andy, delete the lengthy previous comment. I had a little too much to drink last night and I’m sorry for posting it, it’s a pretty stupid post so please get rid of it if you can. Apologies for tarnishing your fantastic site and I hope there is no hard feelings, I understand that it must be damn hard to moderate every single post and to post up some zany and very funny articles at the same time.
Keep up the great work man, it makes even the most mundane bits of F1 fun.
Again I apologise.
No worries Tristan – believe me, I’ve seen much worse! Hope you continue to enjoy the site.