Woking, Sunday: McLaren’s Human Resources department have revealed that they have sent a mysterious Finnish man, spotted several times at the team in the last few years, to a demonstration event in Moscow in order to buy themselves time in working out what to do with him.

Moscow-bound: The unidentified McLaren driver

The strange figure, who has not yet been identified, has apparently been driving the team’s second car for the last two years without anyone noticing, and his discovery has sent waves of shock through the Woking-based squad. “What? We have a second car?” asked team principal Martin Whitmarsh when informed of the Finn’s existence.

“Following our fairly surprising discovery that we do in fact have two drivers, we have decided once and for all to take action,” Mercedes director of motorsport Norbert Haug told reporters. “While we work out what to do about this Finnish character, we have sent him to a McLaren demonstration event on the streets of Moscow. This will allow us to assess his ability in the key skill areas of marketing and PR, as well as allowing us the opportunity to determine whether he is any good at crashing to distract attention from when Lewis makes a mistake.

“Of course, it also means that with him out of our hair for a few days, we can focus on the important task of improving the team and the car for Lewis.”

The team have pointed out that had they realised they were fielding two cars last season, they could have made more of an effort to win the Constructors’ championship as well. “Unfortunately, as with all of these things, the realisation came too late,” Haug said. “Instead we simply have to hope that we can farm him off to some other team at the end of the year and get a nice, comfortable number two for Lewis like Nico Rosberg.”

Milton Keynes, Wednesday: A joint announcement today by the Red Bull-owned F1 teams states that their reserve driver Brendon Hartley will be replaced by Jaime Alguersuari from next week’s German Grand Prix onwards, amid rumours that the New Zealander could be set to rejoin pop group Hanson after a long absence.

Replaced: Brendon Hartley, left

The 19-year-old Kiwi has found it difficult to escape from the image of a youthful pop star ever since he started racing with a strangely familiar long blond haircut, and reports from Red Bull Racing and Scuderia Toro Rosso suggest that Hartley has decided to bite the bullet and rekindle his music career, where he reportedly “felt more at home anyway.”

“We’re sorry that Brendon has decided to move on from his reserve driver role,” Red Bull owner Dietrich Mateschitz told reporters today. “He will continue to race in the Formula 3 Euroseries in between sessions in the studio with his brothers, but from now on the primary focus of his career will be in producing catchy, insubstantial melodies and attracting unwanted attention from young girls.”

Hartley was only granted his F1 superlicence this spring after delays within the FIA, and this year’s in-season testing ban has meant that he has been unable to add to his Formula One experience, though his presence within the team has been felt. Red Bull driver Mark Webber called him “a real superstar in the making,” while Sebastian Vettel gurgled a little bit and then turned his attention to chewing a small rubber toy dog.

Alguersuari is reportedly delighted at his sudden promotion, and his lack of a superficial resemblance to any 1990s one-hit wonders means that he is unlikely to have a sudden career-based change of heart at any point in the future. “We’re confident Jaime will be fully committed to fulfilling his role,” Mateschitz said.

“Mmmm, bop,” said Hartley in a statement earlier today.